Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much

I have two sons that have blessed my life beyond words. They have become and are still becoming valiant men. They have loved me, inspired me to be a better person, and have taught me to live outside many of my silly restrictive boxes. (small ex. You can eat cereal in a tall glass using a long teaspoon, when all the bowls and regular spoons are dirty.)
I have a saying I picked up along the way as we raised these joyous blessings, ” You don’t raise children you raise adults.” Meaning somewhere along the parenting journey you have to let go, stop doing so many things for them or controlling their behavior and teach them to grow up, do things for themselves, make decisions,give them room to become themselves.

My youngest son is moving out today, I have loved this mothering journey with him and feel those bitter sweet moments this morning. He is so ready to be on his own, I believe with all my heart he will be a great success~~ Sweet. I will miss his everyday presence in our home ~~Bitter.

We have prepared our sons to live in their own homes pay their bills, cook, clean, tend a yard, we have provided love so that hopefully they know that when the world knocks you down, there are people that will help you up, cheer you on and give you a hand along the way.

It was all so much faster than I ever dreamed possible when I was just beginning this journey. Babies grow up at the speed of life.

My sons, men, brave, honorable, smart, funny, loving, adored by me, able, my heros.

I collect quotes, and found this one in my computer folder this morning titled boy quotes, I LOVE IT for this day.

“You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. If you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes.”(Walter Schirra, Sr.)

They are my HEROS,
Tanya

I often struggle with disappointment, no real reason it just seems to be the obstacle the enemy uses most on me to keep me from feeling JOY and gratitude.
I know this, but somehow there are days that it hits me in the heart, with out reason.

I often realize if I will be still and listen for a moment my heart will tell me that I have expectations about something. I have felt disappointment a lot this last year, I feel this sense of grief/loss, I know it us unwarranted, but I feel it. It is the same feelings I had when my baby left PDO, went to preschool and then to Kindergarten. Then again when Jr High started and now going on with life. Oh I know it is natural and I wouldn’t want it any other way, and I AM NOT disappointed in my children in ANY form. I believe the disappointment is in myself, have I become everything I was created to be? Am I ready for this next season of life? Was I a good mother~maybe~I expected to be better~no worse. Those that know me and have heard any of my testimony know I was terrified to have children in the first place,because I was convinced that I would be a horrible mother. We waited 8 years before Chris was born, with Bobby trying to convince me it would be okay. It has been more than okay it has been WONDERFUL,my two sons have touched my life and the relationship with them has healed me, taught me, encouraged me, and developed a very different woman than I every dreamed possible.

I heard this the other day on the radio;
Expectations- Reality= Dissappointment

What were my expectations?
My expectations were so much lower than they have been~reality. So the lie is that there is any disappointment at all only APPOINTMENTS with a future that is full of life with two young men and their families and I am still becoming all that I AM created to become, cause God ain’t finished with me yet.

I don’t know why disappointment is a struggle for me, I am still working that out. I know it is a lie, my heart is holding something is doesn’t need to hold onto. I read John Eldridges book a few years ago “Journey of Desire” and I often think back to his concept, that we long for Paradise and how we were created to live. Walking with God, hearing Him as clearly as I can the birds singing through my open window and that we will often feel the longing for something we can’t put words to nor fill with any other thing. We have to believe that we are created for life in a greater place and make the journey of desire, seeking God to fill every longing.

Expectations -Reality= Disappointment

The truth is written all through scripture we are aliens and strangers, this is not home. There will be no more tears,no sickness, no blindness, no separation. This life will be rattled with opportunities for disappointment to be felt, we are Expecting Paradise.

My Thanks x’s 10
1.The ability to have my car repaired
2. Getting the opportunity to go on a fire run with Chad and seeing the integrity of this young man as he speeds through the streets with siren and lights.
3. Another cool day with the windows open.
4. This dear retard computer is still working.
5. A warm shower everyday.
6. Dinner is already cooked in the fridge,yeah for crockpots.
7. A sweet friend and neighbor that is giving me a ride to get my car.
8.Because I had no car yesterday, my house is CLEAN.I love a clean house!
9. I get paid this week~for a great job carrying a phone.
10. God has plans for me.

Appointments
Tanya

As I was driving home earlier today I heard a lady share on the radio that she had started a ‘Thanks x’s 10 Blog’ to help her focus on the positive things in everyday. I think that is a good idea because some days I get distracted and forget ALL the blessings that surround me.

Here is my list of things I am thankful for today:
1. My children love me and tell me so.
2. I love my bed and sleeping.
3. Rainy stay at home days.
4. I love carrying a phone for my job.
5. I loved the phone call with good news from my youngest son.
6. Friends that I don’t talk to often still remember me and want to schedule lunch dates.
7. $10.00 off coupons for Bath and Body works, I got 5 of my favorite lotions for $22.00 because they had buy three get two free~~~ plus I had that great $10.00 off coupon they let me use as well. Yeah!
8.My sweet hubby loves me, and works hard for his family.
9. Flowers lots of summer flowers in hanging baskets.
10. Open windows and no airconditioner running.

I think this needs to be something I think about more often. How about you?

Thankful for so many things
Tanya

I seem to have hit a blogging block. I have more questions than answers right now. Who wants to read a blog full of questions~~ not much fun nor much inspiration.
So today maybe you have some answers to my questions.

Why is it so hard to believe you are loved?
Even children raised in homes that they are loved dearly, can struggle, Why?
Why can’t people be nice to each other?
Why do dear sweet generous people find themselves facing illness and disease?
Why don’t the people in charge ~~see something that is so simple? Come on.

That is just a few and I will stop there.

It has been a busy time the last month moving an elderly aunt into an assisted living. She went, whined and complained all month. Yesterday I went to check on her, I hid so she wouldn’t see me watching her at a line dance demonstration. (You remember watching your kindergartener; hiding knowing they were laughing and having fun, but the minute the saw you they would burst into tears.) Hiding and watching an 82 year old have a great time after complaining for weeks about not wanting to go.
She has met lots of positive and lively older people; it gives me hope that with aging doesn’t have to come grumpy.

I watched my youngest son graduate from the Fire Academy on Sat. as Salutatorian of his class. It has been his dream since he was 2-3 to be a fireman. I don’t know of many men that actually take the leap and follow those young dreams. I was delighted for him. It was full of pomp and circumstance, Fire fighters in kilts playing bagpipes and drums, an Honor guard presenting the flag~~I always cry. Men in uniform, new recruits eager to serve!
Some of the events kept hitting tender spots in my heart, reminders of Chad learning to say the Pledge of Allegiance in pre-k and he would say it every time he saw a flag. At American State Bank, then 1/2 a block later at Bank of America, 1/2 block later at the Lowe’s on the corner. He loved that Pledge, we have always known he would be our military officer most likely Marines, he loved the honor and service. His knee surgery and diabetes changed that dream,but firefighting has always been perfect for him.

So among all the questions, life shows you answers to questions asked years before,and yes I know that some of the questions I have today will have answers at a later time, even if some don’t get answered till I see my Jesus face to face.

In this life
Tanya

It has come to my attention that February was my year anniversary of Blogging! I was not sure I would make it past the 1st post~~~ I am amazed. I have enjoyed keeping a journal online and getting to share with friends. I also hope that one day this will still be here when my children and grandchildren are ready to read and learn a little more about their mother, as a mother and also as a woman, follower of Christ, and friend.

Happy Anniversary
Tanya

It seems like the last 5-6 months I have heard or read one scripture every day. When this happens is makes me smile, because it comes in the most unexpected ways and at the most unexpected times. Friends say it, radio programs speak of it and my favorite flip chart on my dressing table flipped to it for me to read.
I know it is a message for me, Tanya get this into your heart.
God is love, He loves without RESERVATION, He holds nothing back.
The problem lies in my ability to receive and believe. So this prayer brings me to the place daily to remind me there is a possibility to grasp His love and increase in the realization of this love. Oh, that I will listen to the voice of my Heavenly Father as He reminds me daily.
“I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power , together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.”
Ephesians 3:17-18

May this prayer be a prayer that you also begin to hear in your heart daily.

Loved without reservation,
Tanya

I have discovered the world of blog surfing. It is full of funny, creative,and thougth-full writers. I am glad to have access to their thoughts and without blogs I wouldn’t have the joy of reading what they write about. Many times I am laughing till I cry or crying because they have touched my heart.
Here is one that I read today as I sit home sick with the flu, I hope you enjoy the post. It is a reminder that a life well lived can make a difference.

A simple woman quietly did her best
Straight from this week’s Monday Morning Memo:

Elizabeth was a young Quaker girl who fell happily in love and got married in 1929. “Morgan Vining, my husband, swept my little boat out of the shallows into the sunlit depths of life’s stream and we had almost five years together before, in a single moment, he was gone.”

Car wrecks happen quickly.

Elizabeth Vining was adrift. A line from the Breton Fisherman’s Prayer said it best, “Oh Lord, your sea is so great and my boat is so small.”

Elizabeth became a schoolteacher who in the evening wrote children’s books. Her most popular title was Adam on the Road (1942).

Then, at the end of World War Two, 43 year-old Elizabeth Vining got a call. General Douglas MacArthur had decided not to charge Japan’s Emperor Hirohito with war crimes. Instead, he asked that Elizabeth Vining become the tutor of Crown Prince Akihito, the emperor’s son.

Elizabeth accepted.

Upon her arrival in Japan, she encountered a lonely 12 year-old boy whose eyes sparkled with “a hidden sense of humor.” As crown prince, Akihito lived separately from his parents. He saw them only once a week, for a one-hour meal together.

The next 4 years were filled with English lessons, games of Hide and Seek, Monopoly and stories of Abraham Lincoln. The seeds of independent thinking were planted.

Risk orientation.
Individual effort and reward.
Breaking the rules.
Thinking outside the box.
These ideas were profoundly unJapanese.

In 1950, Elizabeth Vining returned quietly to the United States since Akihito’s mastery of English was nearly as good as her own. Akihito’s farewell gift to Mrs. Vining was a poem, written in his best calligraphy, about the birds returning to the Akasaka Palace Gardens after the war.

Soon after the departure of Mrs. Vining, young Akihito met beautiful Michiko on the tennis court. In 1959, he broke 2,600 years of Japanese tradition by marrying Michiko, a commoner.

And a Quaker woman from America was the only foreigner allowed to attend the wedding.

But Akihito wasn’t finished surprising the world. All Japan was stunned when he and Michiko announced they would raise their own children. Another 2,600 year-old tradition, shattered by the 125th emperor of Japan.

Akihito’s attitude gave freedom to other Japanese to begin thinking independently as well. Honda, Sony, Toyota, Mitsubishi and their amazing fruits of innovation sprouted from a single seed, planted by a Quaker widow.

Vining opened the door in 1946. Deming walked through it in 1950.

Elizabeth Vining lived to be 97 years old. And each year on her birthday, with all the precision and dependability we have come to expect from Japan, a limousine from the Japanese embassy would stop in front of her home as a tuxedoed ambassador delivered a giant bouquet of flowers.

A simple woman quietly did her best,
a young boy had a change of heart,
and a nation opened the doors of its mind.

It would appear that a small boat is able to cross a great sea.

Every once in awhile I find those two or three words in scripture that make you stop and think for a moment. Not that they are the most profound words, but they are words that hit something in my heart and I just can’t seem to get them out of my head.

I have started reading a new book by John Eldridge, “Walking with God” and he refers to John 10:1-4 and his struggles with these three words and my heart joins his struggle written about in the paragraph. He references , John 10:4 “He goes on ahead of them”

I started thinking about my sons when they were around 6 months old and how they over reacted to me walking out of the room. They responded like I had fallen off the face of the earth. They would cry and panic until I came back into view. It was an exhausting season and I often found myself washing dishes and going to the bathroom with a child in my arms.

I think when I consider that Jesus goes on ahead of us and we are to follow, I respond like my 6 months old little ones did. I panic and cry hysterically like He abandoned me, walked away from me,and because I don’t see or hear Him right then He no longer exist.

I comforted my children and carried them for awhile, but eventually I left them on the ground and encouraged them to crawl after me. I went on ahead of them, leading them to enlarge their little worlds and to trust me. That even if they could not see or hear me I was there and would never leave them. I built TRUST with my babies. Leave and return, always coming back to reassure them they were loved and safe.

I love these lessons when it finally starts to click. Do I TRUST my heavenly Father? Not always. Is He going on ahead of me, enticing me to follow after Him? Enlarging my world and building a relationship of TRUST for me? I think definately so.

I hate to admit it but I still fret like a little 6 month old when I sense My heavenly Father has gone out of seeing and hearing distance. I really would like for Him to carry me most days, but I also want to grow up and learn to walk with Him, ride my bike, play on the playground and meet new people, all the while knowing that He has gone on ahead of me, but He always has His eyes on me. Delighting with each new discovery I make.

“And His sheep follow Him because they know Him,” John 10:4

Tanya

I have been listening to some teaching Cd’s by Ray Van Der Laan the teacher that makes the Focus on the Family series “That The World May Know.” If you have never seen the series they are teachings from the Holy Land, he takes the scriptures and interprets Jesus’ teachings from a Hebrew mindset, using the culture and understandings of the days and times. I have loved renewing my mind and hope that someday I will begin to see more and more my Hebrew God and my Jewish roots that Romans so clearly shares with us.

I listened as Ray taught the other day about the shepherds in the Hebrew culture and that there are no men shepherds in Israel during the past and still in today’s culture. That shepherds are usually little girls under menstruating age or older women past childbearing age. There would also be young men under the age of bar miztva which would be under 12 years of age~ the youngest male in the family if there were no girls. ( Recognize that? King David was probably a Shepherd for  his family when he was between 7-11 years old, he killed Goliath during that time frame~~ amazing!)

With the Christmas season quickly approaching, and all the plays, books and cards that depict shepherds with full beards this has added a new dimension to the reality that Christ came to the lowest of lowest. In the culture and time of Christ birth, male shepherds were not the lowest of all, but WOMEN were the lowest ranking citizens of that day and women shepherds of non child bearing age were below everyone else. HE CAME to the lowest rank in the culture and humbled Himself to their care. He honored them with the most wonderful message ever given. Entrusted the Lamb of God to the care of a WOMAN. Was Mary His mother a shepherd girl? I think she might have been and when she came of age God chose this favored shepherd to shepherd His little lamb. It makes me feel a deep sense of awe!

I am still reading the gospels this year and have began reading them again this last month, today I read Matthew 28 where it shares that near dawn of the first day of the week, Mary of Magdala and the other Mary went to take a look at the tomb. And the angel of the Lord had rolled back the large stone and told the WOMEN, Do not be alarmed or frightened for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; He has risen as He said. Go quickly and tell His disciples.

And as they went, behold Jesus met them, the women clasped His feet and  worshiped Him. Then Jesus said to them GO and TELL My brethren.

Women, first at the manger, first at the tomb?

Women that tarry during the night seeking,keeping watch during the dark moments of suffering, mindful of the matters of the coming day and most probably still watching the sheep. Mary, His mother thinking she had lost God’s precious Lamb that had been entrusted to her care. Wondering if she had failed somewhere along the way during the last 33 years in shepharding this lamb. Then the reality; that HE CAME and still comes to the least of the least,Once again women. And gives them the commission to GO and TELL.

What will happen in future days, when Christ returns and every eye will see? WOMEN we will be there, up till that time most probably we will still be watching our little sheep, mindful of the children in our care and the condition of the hearts of those we love. Women who GO and TELL that HE  COMES to the least of the least.

I am amazed at the love the Heavenly Father has bestowed upon us~~~ WOMEN

Watch the clip, I hope it continues to download for a long time to come.

I have been on a Snow White theme lately. When I was growing up this was my favorite movie and I never really knew why this movie, over Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. I have watched it again here lately and as an adult there is such purity in the old Disney movies that are missing from the new Disney animated movies.

In Snow White you can still see that as a movie industry and/or nation we still thought, and follow Christian beliefs more often than today and biblical thoughts were written into the plot.

I have gotten the chance to speak at a few Women’s retreats and one of the things I talk about is that we are Princesses and there IS a Prince that will ride in on a white horse to rescue us from our captivity.

Here are just a few of the things I have been thinking about from Snow White.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 ” He also has planted eternity in men’s hearts and minds (a divinely implanted sense of purpose working through the ages), which nothing under the sun but God alone can satisfy.”

We recognize that there is MORE to us, and we have a hole in our hearts that is larger than the Grand Canyon, that only God fits into. We continually try to push cars, houses, clothes, people, things into this hole and it doesn’t even make a dent in fulfilling us. We just become ravenous for more and more, because nothing under the sun but God can satisfy our deepest longings.

The longing to be rescued by a Prince on a white horse is a TRUE story that is why movies with this theme touches us so. As women we know there is a Prince for us and we look to mortal men to fulfill us, all the while forgetting that they too need to be rescued from their own captivity. There is a King that has come and will come again for them as well. We are both a part of an epic story about a King coming for His bride.

I hope you read the next passage out-loud, it is so powerful.

Revelation 19:11-16

Now I saw heaven opened, and BEHOLD A WHITE HORSE, AND HE WHO SAT ON HIM WAS CALLED FAITHFUL AND TRUE, AND ON HIS HEAD WERE MANY CROWNS. HE HAD A NAME WRITTEN THAT NO ONE KNEW EXCEPT HIMSELF. HIS NAME IS CALLED THE WORD OF GOD. AND THE ARMIES IN HEAVEN, CLOTHED IN FINE LINEN, WHITE AND CLEAN, FOLLOWED HIM ON WHITE HORSES. ON HIS THIGH A NAME WRITTEN:

KING OF KING AND LORD OF LORDS

 There is a King coming riding in on a white horse with an army on white horses and HE is coming for US!!

We have eternity planted in our hearts, so we won’t forget, so we will continue to long for our Prince. The hard part is to live in this knowledge, feeling this longing and stop putting earthly things in an eternal desire.

WE ARE PRINCESSES AND WE HAVE A PRINCE THAT IS COMING FOR US ON A WHITE HORSE, AND WE WILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Keep your eyes and heart turned toward heaven.

My only hope is in YOU LORD JESUS,

Princess Tanya