Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much

I often struggle with disappointment, no real reason it just seems to be the obstacle the enemy uses most on me to keep me from feeling JOY and gratitude.
I know this, but somehow there are days that it hits me in the heart, with out reason.

I often realize if I will be still and listen for a moment my heart will tell me that I have expectations about something. I have felt disappointment a lot this last year, I feel this sense of grief/loss, I know it us unwarranted, but I feel it. It is the same feelings I had when my baby left PDO, went to preschool and then to Kindergarten. Then again when Jr High started and now going on with life. Oh I know it is natural and I wouldn’t want it any other way, and I AM NOT disappointed in my children in ANY form. I believe the disappointment is in myself, have I become everything I was created to be? Am I ready for this next season of life? Was I a good mother~maybe~I expected to be better~no worse. Those that know me and have heard any of my testimony know I was terrified to have children in the first place,because I was convinced that I would be a horrible mother. We waited 8 years before Chris was born, with Bobby trying to convince me it would be okay. It has been more than okay it has been WONDERFUL,my two sons have touched my life and the relationship with them has healed me, taught me, encouraged me, and developed a very different woman than I every dreamed possible.

I heard this the other day on the radio;
Expectations- Reality= Dissappointment

What were my expectations?
My expectations were so much lower than they have been~reality. So the lie is that there is any disappointment at all only APPOINTMENTS with a future that is full of life with two young men and their families and I am still becoming all that I AM created to become, cause God ain’t finished with me yet.

I don’t know why disappointment is a struggle for me, I am still working that out. I know it is a lie, my heart is holding something is doesn’t need to hold onto. I read John Eldridges book a few years ago “Journey of Desire” and I often think back to his concept, that we long for Paradise and how we were created to live. Walking with God, hearing Him as clearly as I can the birds singing through my open window and that we will often feel the longing for something we can’t put words to nor fill with any other thing. We have to believe that we are created for life in a greater place and make the journey of desire, seeking God to fill every longing.

Expectations -Reality= Disappointment

The truth is written all through scripture we are aliens and strangers, this is not home. There will be no more tears,no sickness, no blindness, no separation. This life will be rattled with opportunities for disappointment to be felt, we are Expecting Paradise.

My Thanks x’s 10
1.The ability to have my car repaired
2. Getting the opportunity to go on a fire run with Chad and seeing the integrity of this young man as he speeds through the streets with siren and lights.
3. Another cool day with the windows open.
4. This dear retard computer is still working.
5. A warm shower everyday.
6. Dinner is already cooked in the fridge,yeah for crockpots.
7. A sweet friend and neighbor that is giving me a ride to get my car.
8.Because I had no car yesterday, my house is CLEAN.I love a clean house!
9. I get paid this week~for a great job carrying a phone.
10. God has plans for me.

Appointments
Tanya