I haven’t gotten into the scrapbooking thing yet. I have tried a couple of times and it was just too stressful for me, perfectionism kept wanting to make the most perfect and beautiful pages. Just can’t go there for now, maybe later, don’t know.

I have my home decorated for the holidays, the tree is finished, cookies made, lights on and music is set.

When I get my tree out each year I think I will do new decorations in a theme of some kind and each year I keep the tree as is. We began adding ornaments to our tree when Bobby and I had been married two years. We still have that adorable little Hallmark rocking horse hanging in its place on the tree. We have added an ornament for ten years of marriage, for each of our babies and continued to add ornaments each year they grew, now there are photo ornaments of our eldest and his beautiful sweetheart’s engagement and marriage. We have lots of fireman ornaments for a little boy that dreamed of being a fireman and I have a photo this year of that little boy fulfilling his dream, wearing his full gear as a volunteer for the Woodrow fire department as he waits to be hired with the Lubbock Fire Dept.

Each year since Chad was 3 I have hung the cutest pair of Christmas Santa socks on the top of the tree, he got them the year he was 2 and LOVED them, did I stress LOVED them, he wore the socks every day till his birthday in JULY. I would wash them and before I could hide them He was at the dryer putting them on. It was just too cute and he made me happy with his joy wearing those socks.

I have looked at the tree several times this season and thought I do scrapbook, it is hanging on the tree, our life, the things we love, memories, dreams, vacations, little boys becoming young men. One day we will be adding ornaments that remind us of their families.

Each year it is a fun and tender experience decorating the tree and telling the stories that go with each ornament. Memories of loving much, laughing often and living well.

MERRY CHRISTMAS and LOTS of Happy Memories,
Tanya

Awe:
Good old ‘Websters’ gives this as part of Awe’s definition: great fear and wonder, reverence, filled with awe.

Today as I look at the wonder of the leaves changing with all the majestic colors, I want to use the word Awe and full. But, I don’t want it to be in a negative way. I am stopped for moments of reverence and wonder. The smell of fall, the colors of the season change. I am loving it all!

Lubbock doesn’t always have the most beautiful scenery, so we appreciate the beauty that we do have. Like the most beautiful sunsets, billowing storm clouds that build in magnificence, and fall colors that make you stop and enjoy with awe.

Beautiful,
Tanya

My kids laugh at me and say “If you stay too long at moms house she may spray paint you.”
I find it funny that they now have started spray painting things that need changing around their houses.

Here is one of my most favorite spray painted projects so far.

I found this lamp at TJMaxx and it had great detail, hearts~scrolls and lions claw feet, but it was brown~~not very ’shabby chic’.
Sorry about the image,I got so excited I forgot to take before pictures, I had to go back to the store and take a before picture with my cell phone.

I had been looking for a cute shabby chic lamp for my ‘beach cottage’ guest bedroom. I didn’t want to pay $100.00 so I kept thinking I would find an antique or junk one to redo. No luck until I found this one at TJMaxx for $24.99.

What a difference a $4.00 can of antique white spray paint and $5.00 worth of crystal beaded trim can do for a lamp.

“Shabby Chic”

GOT SPRAYPAINT? If not call and we will do a tutorial on spraypainting your world.

I really didn’t get lost, it has continued to be a busy time in life.

I had been enjoying re-entering the routine that happens in the fall and catching up with friends that I lost contact with over the summer break. Then, Bobby had a total hip replacement on the 19th of Oct and that was a total surprise for us. He is doing well and has had a great recovery. We are both looking forward to him getting up and going so we can start walking together again. It has been a long time since he has felt like exercising with me.

I promised that I would post photos of the work I have been doing around the house. I am so bad about taking pictures and I have done so many fun and creative things that I didn’t take before and after photos. I just get so excited about starting a project that I forget to stop and document.

This is a picture of the guest bathroom that I have redone. I just love the Old World feel of the walls. I used coffee grinds in the joint compound, it created a great color and texture.

I even made a Chandelier for the bathroom, I didn’t wire anything it uses one of those flameless candles.

We also put shutters on the outside of the house, and even the neighbors were delighted with the change it made.

I have painted a desk, walls in all the bedrooms, a dresser and bed, lamp and a bench. I have had a lot of fun and wonder what I will paint next. I would love to show you more, but my computer is on overload already.

Our life is full of changes,
Tanya

Well, I keep thinking each month that THIS month will slow down. That has yet to happen. My oldest turned 25 on monday, we have continued to go to weddings and I have been super busy with my two part time jobs, I have reconnected with some friends after the summer break, we have had roofers replace our roof,and YIPPEE we got to dig up our back yard and have the lateral lines replaced on our septic system, Yeah for working plumbing.

I need to have photos posted of my ongoing refeathering of my nest, but once again need hubby to have a moment to download from his camera,since mine won’t work from this retard faithful computer.

I love the season change and how lovely Lubbock is in the fall. I also want to eat at every restuarant that has an outside patio to eat on, it reminds me of my 2 weeks in Italy 3 years ago in Oct. The weather was much like here in the fall and if you close your eyes to the scenery here you can just breath and dream of the Italian country side.

So sit for a moment and shut your eyes and breath with me today and dream of beautiful Italia!

Longing for Italy
Tanya

I have been so busy since mid March, it has been great stuff. It started with moving my aunt, then my youngest graduated from the Fire Academy then he moved out, our oldest and his wife celebrated their first anniversary and they bought and moved into their new house, we celebrated our 33rd anniversary and then we took our children on vacation to Colorado. In between what seems like everyone moving I have been manic about changing some things around in our house. When Chad moved he took the furniture in his room, and his bathroom stuff, I couldn’t stand the echo in his bathroom it sounded like my heart as this season of hands on mothering children changed to something new…. still trying to settle into this..whatever this new season is becoming.

As I have painted my dining room table, the bedrooms, a desk,changed the bathroom, and created a beautiful dreamy beach cottage guest room, I have have found myself busy.

I woke one morning with three words on my mind, busy, busyness, and business. Of course any of you that know me, know that sparked a search for what these three words mean and how are they different?

Busy: engaged in action, being in use, full of activity, activity as opposed to idleness or leisure.

Busyness: foolishly or intrusively active, full of distracting detail.

Business: Mission–what are you doing here? Serious activity requiring time and effort and usually the avoidance of distractions.

I have been busy. I don’t think I have been just distracted by busyness, maybe when I am trying for perfection or worried about the little details, but mostly just busy. I have to examine if I am using busyness as a distraction for the uneasyness of change or running from feeling the saddness of the empty nest? Maybe some, but mostly just busy. Busy with the growing life of a family, with adult children that have started lives and are enlarging our world outside the walls they were raised in. Sounds like I have also been about some business…. the business of releasing my sons to live productive lives and start making their way towards their futures.The business of refeathering our nest to meet our needs, so Bobby and I can move forward into our future as a couple with grown children and an empty nest…. with time to develope us again.

I keep thinking Jesus said “I must be about My Fathers business”….. I also want to be about my Fathers business as well….. living, loving, laughing…. applauding my sons in their lives, caring for the aging loved ones in our lives, and celebrating family and friends.

What is my business here? I have been busy about the business of living with my family. Not full of busyness and intrusively active, but full of activity,not idle,although there have been some wonderful moments of busy leisure.

I love the way my home is changing, even though change is hard. Some things we have needed to and wanted to change for a long time. This is the time….
It has been a season where we have all been busy changing.

Soon I will post some pics of the refeathering of my nest.

Busy,
Tanya

I have two sons that have blessed my life beyond words. They have become and are still becoming valiant men. They have loved me, inspired me to be a better person, and have taught me to live outside many of my silly restrictive boxes. (small ex. You can eat cereal in a tall glass using a long teaspoon, when all the bowls and regular spoons are dirty.)
I have a saying I picked up along the way as we raised these joyous blessings, ” You don’t raise children you raise adults.” Meaning somewhere along the parenting journey you have to let go, stop doing so many things for them or controlling their behavior and teach them to grow up, do things for themselves, make decisions,give them room to become themselves.

My youngest son is moving out today, I have loved this mothering journey with him and feel those bitter sweet moments this morning. He is so ready to be on his own, I believe with all my heart he will be a great success~~ Sweet. I will miss his everyday presence in our home ~~Bitter.

We have prepared our sons to live in their own homes pay their bills, cook, clean, tend a yard, we have provided love so that hopefully they know that when the world knocks you down, there are people that will help you up, cheer you on and give you a hand along the way.

It was all so much faster than I ever dreamed possible when I was just beginning this journey. Babies grow up at the speed of life.

My sons, men, brave, honorable, smart, funny, loving, adored by me, able, my heros.

I collect quotes, and found this one in my computer folder this morning titled boy quotes, I LOVE IT for this day.

“You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons. If you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes.”(Walter Schirra, Sr.)

They are my HEROS,
Tanya

I often struggle with disappointment, no real reason it just seems to be the obstacle the enemy uses most on me to keep me from feeling JOY and gratitude.
I know this, but somehow there are days that it hits me in the heart, with out reason.

I often realize if I will be still and listen for a moment my heart will tell me that I have expectations about something. I have felt disappointment a lot this last year, I feel this sense of grief/loss, I know it us unwarranted, but I feel it. It is the same feelings I had when my baby left PDO, went to preschool and then to Kindergarten. Then again when Jr High started and now going on with life. Oh I know it is natural and I wouldn’t want it any other way, and I AM NOT disappointed in my children in ANY form. I believe the disappointment is in myself, have I become everything I was created to be? Am I ready for this next season of life? Was I a good mother~maybe~I expected to be better~no worse. Those that know me and have heard any of my testimony know I was terrified to have children in the first place,because I was convinced that I would be a horrible mother. We waited 8 years before Chris was born, with Bobby trying to convince me it would be okay. It has been more than okay it has been WONDERFUL,my two sons have touched my life and the relationship with them has healed me, taught me, encouraged me, and developed a very different woman than I every dreamed possible.

I heard this the other day on the radio;
Expectations- Reality= Dissappointment

What were my expectations?
My expectations were so much lower than they have been~reality. So the lie is that there is any disappointment at all only APPOINTMENTS with a future that is full of life with two young men and their families and I am still becoming all that I AM created to become, cause God ain’t finished with me yet.

I don’t know why disappointment is a struggle for me, I am still working that out. I know it is a lie, my heart is holding something is doesn’t need to hold onto. I read John Eldridges book a few years ago “Journey of Desire” and I often think back to his concept, that we long for Paradise and how we were created to live. Walking with God, hearing Him as clearly as I can the birds singing through my open window and that we will often feel the longing for something we can’t put words to nor fill with any other thing. We have to believe that we are created for life in a greater place and make the journey of desire, seeking God to fill every longing.

Expectations -Reality= Disappointment

The truth is written all through scripture we are aliens and strangers, this is not home. There will be no more tears,no sickness, no blindness, no separation. This life will be rattled with opportunities for disappointment to be felt, we are Expecting Paradise.

My Thanks x’s 10
1.The ability to have my car repaired
2. Getting the opportunity to go on a fire run with Chad and seeing the integrity of this young man as he speeds through the streets with siren and lights.
3. Another cool day with the windows open.
4. This dear retard computer is still working.
5. A warm shower everyday.
6. Dinner is already cooked in the fridge,yeah for crockpots.
7. A sweet friend and neighbor that is giving me a ride to get my car.
8.Because I had no car yesterday, my house is CLEAN.I love a clean house!
9. I get paid this week~for a great job carrying a phone.
10. God has plans for me.

Appointments
Tanya

As I was driving home earlier today I heard a lady share on the radio that she had started a ‘Thanks x’s 10 Blog’ to help her focus on the positive things in everyday. I think that is a good idea because some days I get distracted and forget ALL the blessings that surround me.

Here is my list of things I am thankful for today:
1. My children love me and tell me so.
2. I love my bed and sleeping.
3. Rainy stay at home days.
4. I love carrying a phone for my job.
5. I loved the phone call with good news from my youngest son.
6. Friends that I don’t talk to often still remember me and want to schedule lunch dates.
7. $10.00 off coupons for Bath and Body works, I got 5 of my favorite lotions for $22.00 because they had buy three get two free~~~ plus I had that great $10.00 off coupon they let me use as well. Yeah!
8.My sweet hubby loves me, and works hard for his family.
9. Flowers lots of summer flowers in hanging baskets.
10. Open windows and no airconditioner running.

I think this needs to be something I think about more often. How about you?

Thankful for so many things
Tanya

I seem to have hit a blogging block. I have more questions than answers right now. Who wants to read a blog full of questions~~ not much fun nor much inspiration.
So today maybe you have some answers to my questions.

Why is it so hard to believe you are loved?
Even children raised in homes that they are loved dearly, can struggle, Why?
Why can’t people be nice to each other?
Why do dear sweet generous people find themselves facing illness and disease?
Why don’t the people in charge ~~see something that is so simple? Come on.

That is just a few and I will stop there.

It has been a busy time the last month moving an elderly aunt into an assisted living. She went, whined and complained all month. Yesterday I went to check on her, I hid so she wouldn’t see me watching her at a line dance demonstration. (You remember watching your kindergartener; hiding knowing they were laughing and having fun, but the minute the saw you they would burst into tears.) Hiding and watching an 82 year old have a great time after complaining for weeks about not wanting to go.
She has met lots of positive and lively older people; it gives me hope that with aging doesn’t have to come grumpy.

I watched my youngest son graduate from the Fire Academy on Sat. as Salutatorian of his class. It has been his dream since he was 2-3 to be a fireman. I don’t know of many men that actually take the leap and follow those young dreams. I was delighted for him. It was full of pomp and circumstance, Fire fighters in kilts playing bagpipes and drums, an Honor guard presenting the flag~~I always cry. Men in uniform, new recruits eager to serve!
Some of the events kept hitting tender spots in my heart, reminders of Chad learning to say the Pledge of Allegiance in pre-k and he would say it every time he saw a flag. At American State Bank, then 1/2 a block later at Bank of America, 1/2 block later at the Lowe’s on the corner. He loved that Pledge, we have always known he would be our military officer most likely Marines, he loved the honor and service. His knee surgery and diabetes changed that dream,but firefighting has always been perfect for him.

So among all the questions, life shows you answers to questions asked years before,and yes I know that some of the questions I have today will have answers at a later time, even if some don’t get answered till I see my Jesus face to face.

In this life
Tanya